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Area Man Says The Word ‘Movie’ Funny

An enterprising group of young adults discovered that one among them says the word ‘movie’ in a totally hilarious way. Read More

Local Man Isn’t Sure How to Get into The Olympics, But Will Give it a Shot Anyway

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John Reiss, 32, doesn’t really understand how someone qualifies to be an Olympian, but has nevertheless begun preparations for the 2012 games. Read More

Notorious Wife Beater to Starbucks: “You Call This Shit Coffee?”

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A local Starbucks employee was accosted early Thursday morning when a disgruntled man entered the establishment, demanding a cup of coffee prepared “the way [he] liked it” but refusing to elaborate any further. Read More

Twinkie Defense Pretty Much Explains Area Man’s Entire Life

After many years of fumbling to find an excuse for his ineffectual life, John Stottard has struck gold. Read More

Area Mom Wants You to Try Her Banana Bread

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Before you settle in to play Call of Duty: This is Your Call to Duty with your best friend Jack, his mom would really like it if you’d try her banana bread. Read More

Dad Resigns from Position to Take Job with Secretary

There is going to be more food to share these holidays, following the abrupt announcement of your father, who has since tendered his paternal resignation and will take a new job with his secretary. Read More

Squirrels Bury Human Skull Next to Chestnuts

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Residents of Punxsutawney are familiar with mysterious animal behaviors, sharing their town with the veritable Nostradamus of animals, groundhog Punxsutawney Phil. Commonly referred to as “the seer of seers and the prognosticator of prognosticators” and “a reincarnated witch from the early 17th century,” Phil is no longer alone in his mysterious ways. Read More

Santa Unable to Bring Back Daddy

Molly O’Monahan, a mean eight years old, didn’t want the new Hannah Montana Young Ladies Bra for Christmas this year. She didn’t want Guitar Hero 27. She didn’t even want a pony. She just wanted to get her recently divorced father back. Santa has been unable to deliver. Read More

How to Protect Your Home From: BURGLARS

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Some Handy Tips from the Gentlemen of Satire V. Read More

Local Diwali Celebration Devolves into Rosh Hashanah

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What began as a quiet candlelight night celebrating the Indian holiday “Diwali” ended with riotous Rosh Hashanah. Read More

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