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Inside this Issue
Area cloud looks like kitty ESPN to Host World Waterboarding Competition Man Not Mugged on Late-Night Cambridge Common Stroll Ahmadinejad: "I Thought You Meant Happy People" Manicurist Files Suit Ronald McDonald No Longer "Lovin' It" With All Those Heart Attacks From The Archives
Television Station for Controversial Programming: "Controversial Network, Unethical Television," a new station intended to provide only morally bankrupt content, debuted earlier this month, and early ratings reports indicate that the station will be a success Read More Featured Personal Ad
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Harvard
Top 5 Ways for HUDS to Save Money
Harvard Student Groups Run Out of Acronyms
In a recent development that continues to baffle leading math experts across the nation, Harvard student groups have exhausted all possible acronymous combinations.
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Afroman Intended To Come to Satire V, Instead Got High
Harvard’s “Biggest Douche” Contest a 3,000-Way Tie
Following Freeze Magazine’s Mr. Harvard Freshman contest, the publication set out to find Mr. Harvard Douche, the Harvard undergrad who best exemplified the traits consistent with douchebaggery.
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Army Comp Leads to Several Deaths
Harvard Admits Record-Low Zero Percent
In response to the economic downturn and the corresponding decrease in the Harvard endowment, the Harvard Faculty of Arts and Sciences has decided to phase out education. All 28,675 applicants for the Harvard Class of 2013 have summarily been rejected.
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Hotline Volunteers To Offer Other, Better Reasons For Suicide
In the latest effort for social awareness, Harvard expanded its hotline volunteer program beyond “helping callers cope” towards “providing resources and acceptance.”
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Student Attends Athletic Event
Chris Colman ’10 crossed the Charles River, heading for the recycling center. But when he accidentally entered Harvard Stadium, he found himself surrounded by a whole different type of garbage.
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25% of Student Body “Quits” at Year’s End
A Harvard study has found that 25% of Harvard students quit by year’s end. Approximately 1600 students will quit school this year.
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9/11 Truth Guys Not Sure Who Has Truth Anymore
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