Satire V
Harvard Local National International Miscellaneous Editorials
Article

Lincoln Ignored Historical Memo

National - 2004

While moving the table in the employee break room at the Library of Congress recently, librarians found a dossier of memos addressed to President Lincoln, which was being used to keep the table from wobbling.

One memo, which is dated March 10, 1860, is a national security briefing filed by Secretary of War Edwin McMasters Stanton, entitled "South determined to secede from U.S." The damning evidence, which suggests that Lincoln may have had prior knowledge of secession, has caused border states to call for an independent commission to investigate. It is unclear whether or not Mr. Lincoln ever read the memo, although a mark, "Note to self: free slaves," penciled in on the right hand margin suggests that he may have seen the memo and failed to act.

"We were all shocked," said assistant librarian Corey Sheene. "It's like we were living history. Honestly, none of us ever thought that the director would finally shell out $300 for a new table. ‘Be thankful for what you have,' is what he always says. Hey, maybe he'll even upgrade the icebox."

Democratic Senator Robert Byrd has emerged as the leader of Lincoln's critics. "Had Mr. Lincoln only taken heed of the warnings, there would be no West Virginia today, and I might be senator of a state where there are more telephones than teen pregnancies. When I think of the repercussions of this memo, I have to wonder what might have been: thousands of lives saved by averting war, a legislative end to slavery, and growing up with shoes."

E-Mail Article

Share

Back to National Page

Back to Front Page