Feminists Declare Urinals Discriminatory

Miscellaneous - 2006

Feminist groups have begun to rally against the placement of urinals in male restrooms, claiming they are both sexist and enable men to relieve themselves more efficiently.

Protestor Sara Newson explained, "Urinals inherently give preference to males. They also give males an advantage in the workplace by enabling them to dispel of the bodily fluids faster, thus leaving more time to work. We demand that all men mill around a bathroom for at least four minutes checking their makeup, before being allowed to pee; they must also wear pantyhose as an extra handicap."

Newson continued, "We are also rallying against the piss troughs found at many large stadiums, enabling men to multitask, both walk and pee at the same time. It's only a matter of time until there's a Blackberry at every urinal and a Bluetooth-enabled catheter in every penis. Men's ability to relieve themselves at any tree is also troubling. Complete planetary deforestation may be extreme, but it may be the only solution that will truly make men and women equal. Also, I wish my balls hung low, and wobbled to and fro; it is entirely unfair that I can tie my vagina in neither a knot nor a bow."

Newson finished, "Also, the concept of males relieving themselves is inherently phallic. Every time a man uses his penis to pee, he is oppressing those who lack one."

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