Kid Hopeful That Forged Note Will Get Him Out of Field Day

Miscellaneous - 2009

Fifth grader Mikey Lawless is hopeful that he has finally penned the note that will allow him to skip his school’s Field Day.

“It’s good. I wrote a few others that didn’t work, but I’m confident this time.”

The note, supposedly drafted by Mikey’s mom and addressed to his P.E. teacher, assures that, “While Mikey may seem clumsy and weak in gym, he only acts that way so that other kids don’t feel bad about themselves. I’m sure you’ll agree this is really nice, and that when he grows up he’ll probably volunteer in homeless shelters and build houses for poor people, stuff like that.”

The core of the letter proposes that Mikey be allowed to eat lunch outside by the trash bins instead of having to play “stupid sports” on Field Day.

“I totally have my tracks covered,” Mikey says. “At the end, I wrote, ‘Please ignore the fact that I said I would make lemonade for Field Day, and don’t call me about it, because I am very busy all day at my job making copies.’ How can anyone argue with that?”

The note, which Mikey will attempt to pass over on Monday, includes the following post script: “While I’m writing this, one last concern I have is that the cafeteria never serves corn dogs. This is something I worry about a lot.”

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