Commune for Sex Offenders Created in Iowa

Sex offender looks to corn to fill void left by lack of porn

National - 2007

No sound is as enticing as that of the ice cream truck in Farmerville, Iowa, home to 7,000 registered child molesters.

A new Iowa state law requires that sex offenders live at least 12,000 feet away from schools. Due to the high concentration of schools in Iowa, 7,000 sex offenders have recently been forced to relocate to Farmerville, a legal 12,000 feet away from any tantalizing schoolchildren.

While you would expect that residents of Farmerville would be hostile to their new neighbors, the reactions have been generally positive. Local mother of three, Susan Whitaker, said, “My husband and I can go out so often now, people are just jumping at the chance to baby sit.” Local car dealer, Jim Landford, agreed, “My van sales have skyrocketed.” Local candy shop owner, Charles Gibson, was also ebullient, “I’m selling candy by the pound. It’s going so fast they must just be giving it away.”

Not everyone is pleased with the location. One anonymous molester said “I hate it here! I miss the sweet, sweet sound of children humming in the shower…I mean in the park. I mean I’ve seen it on TV? Not in porn. Crap. Am I going back to jail?”

While the sexually frustrated newcomers appear to be calm right now, local Blockbusters have begun to stockpile episodes of Full House and Punky Brewster in case of a panic.

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