Satire V -- "Holding a mirror up to truth"

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Superman beats up Superdelegate

Mail Order Brides Now in Boxes

Santa Claus Can't Make It Through Airport Security

Eyes, Nose and Mouth - Still in Fashion!

Fat Ass in Guess Jeans Still Pretty Obvious

Freshman Wears Lanyard Despite Having Nothing to Hang from It

Point-Counterpoint: Pluto Wants Back In: Point: You guys are mean, by Pluto the Planet; Counterpoint: I like pizza, by Pluto the Dog Read More

Seeking: Decoy torches. Lots of them. Olympics@beijing.china

Harvard Student Receives B- - Students throughout Harvard University were thrown into shock over recent reports that Daniel Woods, a junior concentrating in Economics, received a B- in his econometrics class.

HUDS Boldly Adds Brown Rice To Dining Hall Menu - As students trickled into the dining
halls yesterday afternoon, many felt a change in the atmosphere. Several students described a sort of energy that they normally felt on days reserved for quesadillas and Udon noodles. They soon discovered the cause of their expectant nerves: steaming pots of brown rice.

Undersexed Professor Blames Grade Inflation - For years it rained vagina on chemistry
professor Jeffrey Beach, but with recent grade inflation, his students no longer exchange sex for better grades.

Knee-Jerk Liberal Tears ACL - Area liberal Martin Schwartz will undergo campaign-season-ending surgery on his knee after sustaining an injury during Countdown with Keith Olbermann last night.

Who Are We Tasing? - A series of high-profile incidents has heightened scrutiny on police use of tasers. Who’s getting tased?

How to Protect Your Home From: BURGLARS - Some Handy Tips from the Gentlemen of Satire V.

Obama to Replace Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt on Mt. Rushmore - A special taskforce on National Parks and Monuments announced major renovations will be made to South Dakota landmark Mt. Rushmore in the coming year.

Report: Britney Spears Killed 37 Tamagotchis; Family and Friends Failed to See Warning Signs - Inside sources claim Britney Spears’s family and friends failed to intervene when the troubled pop star’s poor parenting skills resulted in the deaths of 37 Tamagotchi digital pets in the early 1990s.

LA Sheriff Orders Internal Investigation Over Allegations of Excessive Force - Lee Baca, Sheriff for Los Angeles County, today ordered an investigation into a potential abuse of police power when reports that deputies fired upwards of 70 shots at a suspect were published in the Los Angeles Times

Hindus Disappointed to Learn Sacred Talking Cow is Actually Rosie O’Donnell - In what is perhaps the greatest disappointment to Hindus since the elephant-god Ganesha signed a three-year contract with Cirque de Solei, it was revealed Tuesday that a sacred talking cow, which was being worshipped all over India, is, in fact, B-list celebrity Rosie O’Donnell.

Angelina Jolie’s Baby Adopted by Poor African Couple - In a stunning reversal, the infant child of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt has apparently been adopted by a poor Kenyan family.